i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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