I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
