Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
