I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
