i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
