Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
