i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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