HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
