I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
