Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
