i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
