Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
