I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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