I am puke
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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