The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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