She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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