I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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