its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
