I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
