Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
