I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
