I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
