i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
