Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
