You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
