She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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