Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize