you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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