apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
