Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
