i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
