Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
