I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
