angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
