i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
