I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
