im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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