Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
