the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize