Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
