The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
