Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
