I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
