It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
