well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
