Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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