I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I could fuck to npr.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
