You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
