She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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