I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
