if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
