I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
