I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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