im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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