Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
