Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
