I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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