I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
