You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the day after is always just damage control
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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