I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
