Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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