i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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