How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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