I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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