Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
