I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
