we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize