just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
