everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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